Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. However, if anyone feels they are unable to control their anger, the same can become the cause of many problems in personal relationships and at work. It will certainly also affect your quality of life.
Everyone Experiences Anger Differently
- Bad things can happen to the best people, but we all feel vulnerable
- People can become angry for many reasons and some relationships can be stormier than they need to be
- You can be going about your day, when the randomness of life takes over
- No matter how big or strong you are, life happens, you get sick, relationships break down, people die; No one is immune to it
- All of us are vulnerable to the chaos of life, however, by trying to control the threat of vulnerability, you get out of control
Why is it so hard to be happy these days?
- We often use anger to protect ourself or hide our feelings in a fog of anger
- All the bitter defensiveness and exaggerated hostility is a big smokescreen to fight a perceived threat
- Our defences are building a protective wall around our heart, so we can seal off our emotional pain by lashing out in attack
- Events or circumstances that cause an angry outburst in oneself may not affect another person at all
- The reason we choose to remain angry or depressed is also perhaps a shield from others who may envy our good life
What Triggers Anger In Us
The reasons can be varying for men at various stages of life. You can attribute your anger to:
- Being attacked or threatened
- Being deceived
- Feeling frustrated or powerless
- Feeling invalidated or unfairly treated
- Feeling disrespected
Here are some tips how we can address this problem
- Learn to Feel Anger When It Comes To You
This may seem too silly, but it can be awfully difficult. Sometimes others realize our anger before we do. Sometimes we know something is wrong but can’t identify the feeling. It takes practice (just like any sport) to know when anger is rising within us and to be able to bring our awareness to it. Acceptance of being angry is the first step to counter it.
- Most angry men aren’t violent; They need understanding, calmness and love
Anger is a natural feeling when something important to us is threatened. When we yell at a rash driver on the road, we are feeling that the person is “cutting us off.” We may feel we are in danger or we may feel our “space is being violated.” When we yell at our partner, we often feel that our self-esteem is being threatened. It isn’t always easy to feel love and compassion for an angry man, but that’s what he needs.
- Irritable and angry men are often depressed
Depression is one of the main causes for constant anger within us. Men often act out their unhappiness in angry and aggressive ways. Sometimes, they also turn their unhappiness inwards. Helping men recognise that their anger is often an expression of depression can be more helpful than trying to get them to stop being angry.
- Promoting Positive Anger Expression
Anger is a natural emotion and an acceptable feeling and response to situations that threaten our survival or psychological integrity. It is healthy to express our angry feelings in an assertive, respectful way and, in certain situations, anger may be the most appropriate response. Given that anger is a socially acceptable emotion for men, and there is a lot of social reinforcement for being angry, it is important not to be critical of anger but rather, to try to understand the message that underlies it.
- Timeouts Are Required
Tough Men don’t cry; a common notion imposed upon the male gender, else they are termed to be a sissy! If flowing out tears helps reducing the emotion of anger, there is nothing wrong with it. Crying never had a gender. Speaking out will only help you and yourself. Share your agitation with family and friends. Be reasonable. If you let it pile up within you, the outburst will only be a disaster for you and society.
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