Filmmaker and choreographer Farah Khan recently penned an open letter on choosing In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) to become a mother at the age of 43 (in 2008). Khan, who is married to film maker and editor Shirish Kunder, is mother to triplets – Anya, Czar and Diva — who are now 12.
In the letter, Farah said that she became a mother when she wanted to and not as per the diktats of the society. Her note reads as follows:
As a daughter, wife and a mother, I’ve had to make many choices because of which I have become the choreographer, filmmaker and producer that I am. Every time I felt the moment was right, I listened to my gut and seized it. Whether it was for my career or for my family. We think about people’s judgements so much, we forget that it’s our life and it’s our call!
Khan, who last directed SRK’s Happy New Year (2014), also went on to add that there was no appropriate age to conceive as deemed by the society. She wrote,
Today I am a proud mother of three because of a choice. I became a mother when I was ready for it, not when the society deems “the appropriate age to conceive.” Thanks to advancements in science, I was able to do it via IVF at my age. Today, it’s nice to see that more women are making this choice without fear of judgement, changing people’s mindsets and taking their happiness in their own hands. I recently came to know of a show on Sony TV called Story 9 Months Ki which makes a bold and honest statement – Agar pyaar ke bina shaadi ho sakti hai, toh pati ke bina maa kyu nahi? (If you can marry without love, why can’t you have children without husband?)
The letter also read as,
Our choices make us. I became an IVF mom at 43 and I am glad I did so. I wish a great motherhood to all women out there who want to be mothers – naturally or otherwise. An open letter to all the women out there, reminding them that #ItsAWomansCall Are you with me ladies? Kudos to @SonyTVofficial for #Story9MonthsKi.
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The open letter seems nothing more than a planned PR stunt for the channel, with whom Farah has been associated with for years. It is completely her take and choice what she chose for herself and her personal life. However, as a public figure how justified is Farah for hailing and promoting a fatherless society when she says you don’t need a husband for having children. This is nothing but pushing further a feminist agenda of ‘Hate Men’.
Touching upon her comment of choosing IVF at the age of 43, we would not be judgemental of her choice. However, we do wish to pose a question whether the choice of becoming a mother is limited only for a woman or as a couple to wish to become parents.
Often, in such scenarios, Men/Husbands have no say and are left at the mercy of their wives who decide Where, How and When!
Here are some of the responses to Farah from several women across social media:
Maggie Danthi says,
Sorry farah you can’t decide when you want to become a parent. It’s a God’s plan. There are many women who did IVF and failed to conceive. Do not brag about it. That you decided when you are ready.
Jasjit Kaur writes,
Let’s not forget, just because IVF allows for women to conceive when older does not mean that the pregnancy’s are not high risk and children may be born with issues! It’s proven that the older the mother is more of a risk for the child’s development! Simple! There is a reason for why The clock slows down at a certain age!
Rajani Jha quoted,
This is not correct message to go out for women. Not everyone is blessed like her at this age. There is High risk of having an abnormal child at this age…also leads to health complications for mothers. There has been rise in kids born with abnormalities now-a-days coz of such irresponsible decisions. Better to adopt or a child to experience motherhood than to take risk at this age.
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Farzana Noor, who is a gynaecologist herself wrote,
I am sorry to say that as a gynaecologist I don’t agree with this perception created by all these celebrities….It is a known and evidence proven fact that the older a woman gets..the pregnancy involves more complications to the women’s and her unborn child’s health.So if it suits these celebrities….good for them….but they should not be promoting something which is wrong.
Sangeeta Jadhwani said,
She is rich she can decide what ever she wants .her kids are born with silver spoon . But for common women v difficult at later age looking after kids , managing home even workplace .not easy
Ruby Kaur opened up her experience stating,
I had tried IVF at age 39 but was unsuccessful and also IVF comes with many possible health risks to older women and children.
I appreciate your boldness …. But with age many complications come which affect the child/children. They may born with down syndromes. And becoming mother and enjoying motherhood is not the last word.. bringing them up with the same pace of the recent times is a challenge. First we v to think that r e we capable of carrying out this challenging job. Coz at the later age energy level decreases a lot.
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Kuhu Khanna wrote,
Well yes, it’s about choices but not everyone has the energy or helpers to run around with the children, hence the appropriate age is definitely important. Not everyone can afford IVF either. Appreciate your sentiments but it doesn’t work for everyone.
Shubhangi Deshmukh quoted,
My god. Matlab kuch bhi. Not all are blessed with your kind of money, house help and support. Common people live a life way different from yours. 90 %of your eggs shell out of body by 30 years of age. Pregnancy become high risk with age and most us cannot afford to manage that.
The above responses have been curated from a post on the said open letter on Facebook.
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